I was born in 1977 in a remarkably boring suburb of London. When I was a child, I wanted to be a doctor when I grew up. I went off this idea as a teenager as it looked too much like hard work. I wasn’t great at school. I was bright but more interested in beer and indie music than schoolwork. I also got in trouble for carrying my diary around with me and writing in it during lessons.
In the end I did a degree or three in Psychology, which got me precisely nowhere.
In 2004, inspired by the Christmas episode of Casualty, I successfully applied to become an Emergency Medical Dispatcher for the London Ambulance Service. I started this blog a year later, partly inspired by Tom Reynolds’ brilliant Random Acts of Reality and partly by that diary I got in trouble for writing at school. Finally I had something interesting to put in a diary!
In January 2009 I was promoted to Allocator. I accepted a book deal from Penguin the same week. All in all, it wasn’t a bad week.
I live alone in a glamorous rooftop apartment in Darkest Walthamstow. I love Leyton Orient, the goth scene and Jack Russell terriers. My ideal man is Alan Smith (until he opens his mouth). I hate prawns, people who can’t spell and films. My ambitions are to visit Australia, get down to a size 10 and pass my driving test. They were to get promoted and get a book published but I’ve already done those.
Ten random facts about me:
1) I wore a wig to my initial interview with the LAS because I had pink hair at the time.
2) I’m a big fan of the glamour model Jordan.
3) I am an only child.
4) I hate tea and coffee. And coriander.
5) I was once asked out by the royal butler responsible for walking the Queen’s corgis. I still kick myself for saying no.
6) My previous jobs have included being a school dinner lady, naked life modelling for art classes and knocking on people’s doors asking them stupid questions about washing powder.
7) I went to art college. For six weeks. I hated it.
I hate being cold so I carry a hot water bottle around at work with me and keep my flat at 25C.
9) I wore green uniform at junior school and senior school and now I wear it to work.
10) I’m writing a novel about an ambulance control room and the main character is called Mark Myers - the pseudonym I used for this blog for four years.