I am never terribly sympathetic towards the callers we get during weekend day shifts. Usually, their ailments have been by doing the very things that I would be doing if I didn’t have to spend my weekend in work listening to their whinging. One caller, however, really did take the proverbial biscuit. He was an eighteen year old living in an exceedingly posh area, and rang at 9.30am to report that he had had a lot of vodka and red bulls the night before and was now feeling extremely bad. Dizzy, headache, vomiting. Yes, that is called a hangover! That is what happens when you have too much to drink! That is how I feel every weekend! I would have liked to have told him to go back to sleep and then order pizza when Pizza Hut opens at twelve, but unfortunately call takers do not have the privilege of being allowed to tell callers that their calls are rubbish.
The caller said that he was going to wait outside his big posh house because he didn’t want Mummy and Daddy (okay, he didn’t really call them that) to know he had been drinking. I hope that a) it was raining b) he had a very long wait and then was called back by Telephone Advice with my aforementioned advice re. sleep and pizza c) failing that, an ambulance was sent with the nee naw siren on its loudest setting so as to wake up his parents and all the neighbours and really hurt his poor fragile head.
On Sunday, while I was working on dispatch, there were huge amounts of mirth when when an Embarrassing Sexual Accident call popped up on the screen. A man had been having sex with a woman when suddenly, inexplicably, they had got stuck in the coital position and he found himself unable to remove his member from her orifice. Don’t ask me how this happened. The call was made infinitely more amusing by a) the call taker’s report of the situation: “Female is not in pain, but male is feeling the pinch somewhat” and b) the fact that the caller’s name had been recorded as “Male - friend on scene”. What on earth was their male friend doing observing this spectacle? The mind boggles.
October 4th, 2005 at 4:26 pm
HAHA! I’d like to hear how that one turned out.