My recent entry about seeing my first ’suspended’ - or, to be more accurate, my first dead body - prompted a bit of a discussion (okay, a bit of mudslinging and an argument about grammar) in the comments section. It’s been pointed out that some people, probably including myself, come across as far too eager to experience a ‘juicy’ job such as a resus or serious trauma. To some, it appears that we are almost willing people to die in order to give us the job we want. We are only happy when someone else is suffering.
I don’t see it like that, but I do hold my hand up to being a bit overeager. As a fresh faced trainee at Control all those years ago, I still remember how I anticipated my first ’suspended’ call; on my observation shifts with crews I’ve practically cajoled them to hover round ’suspended’ hotspots in hope of picking up a call. But let’s get this straight: I absolutely, totally and utterly in no way, want *anyone* to die, except very elderly people who go peacefully in their sleep at ‘their time’ with no need for the indignity of a resus attempt. I don’t want anyone to be sick, injured or in pain. Nothing would make me happier than if all medical problems could be wiped off the face of this earth and the ambulance service could close down and turn into a minibus firm giving people free rides to the seaside. But that isn’t realistic, is it? Cardiac arrests happen whether or not I am the one who takes the call. I’m not willing it to happen, but I am willing it to be my turn to take a call when it inevitably does. Arrests aren’t glamorous or pretty, but they are what I am here for — I have been trained to help people do CPR and deal with other serious emergencies. I haven’t been trained to help people with the flu or a broken toe; if those were the people I wanted to help, I wouldn’t be working for the ambulance service. When I go out with a crew, I don’t want to see a suspended because I want to be a hero or because I think it’s exciting — I want to see one because I want to see the crew using their skills, or in the case of the ‘purple plus’, I just want to see what happens next or see with my own eyes the scene I’ve imagined so many times as I’ve listened down the phone.
In the case of that elusive ‘first suspended call’, be it on the phone or in real life, I think part of the reason every ambulance worker appears to look forward to it is so they can have it ‘over and done with’. Dealing with a dead body, an unsuccessful resus, hysterical relatives, etc, has got to be the hardest thing this job brings and the relief of knowing you dealt with it and didn’t crack up or make a mistake is overwhelming.
Being excited by the prospect of a serious call may seem wrong, but compared with the other reactions that we could exhibit, it’s really for the best. Imagine standing over the collapsed body of a relative, only to have the ambulance crew turn up and burst into scared, hysterical tears and run out the room. Or maybe, potter indifferently over the body, cracking jokes as they plug in the defibrillator. Your ‘excited’ ambulance person is excited because this job, your relative, is important to them and they are giving their all hoping to use their skills to make a difference. Yes, they wanted to be there, but don’t think for a minute they are enjoying this.
