“Nee naw service, what is the address of the emergency?”
“I’m in Wimbledon High Street… at the bottom of the High Street where the tarmac is purple… between the lion enclosure and the place where the aeroplanes land”.

Okay… this sounds a little strange to me, but I’ve never been to Wimbledon, and after checking that these details are correct several times, I move on to the rest of the questions. I would think the whole call was a piss take, if it wasn’t for the fact that I can hear the patient in the background, clearly in distress.

“What’s the problem?” I ask. Well, apparently the caller’s friend has been “overdoing it” a little at a club and gone barmy! Three of his friends are having to hold him down and they just don’t know what to do with him. I proceed with the questions, and get increasing bizarre answers or inappropriate laughter. How old is he? Old enough to know better! Is he violent? Violently sick! Is he completely awake? HAAAHAAAHAA, he said completely awake.

You probably know what’s coming next.

“So, what has he taken?”
“Three trips and some magic mushrooms.”
“Have you been taking them too?”
“Ummm… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!”

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