Having worked out that we are no longer sending ambulances to that address that might just be a Woolworth’s in the East End, our obsessive hoaxer has now taken to telling us he is at Gatwick Airport. Sitting on the runaway. Suffering from an itchy penis. Offering us bananas. I must have spoken to him twenty times last night.

I swear that if I ever come across this individual, I will do something with a banana which necessitates a genuine phone call to the emergency services.

Published Aug 01, 2008 - 13 Comments and counting

13 Comments on “Banana Man”
  1. Ed Vine Says:

    During a gig in Folkestone a good few years ago, a drunken twat at the front wouldn’t stop gobbing on the band (The Stranglers). Presumably he was trying to recapture the spirit of the punk summer of ’77 or something. Whatever, the band didn’t like it, and after ignoring three requests for him to stop, Hugh Cornwell had him dragged onto the stage by the security people and then did do something with a banana that could easily have required some kind of medical intervention. The idiot was then ejected from the stage door. If an ambulance was called, I wouldn’t have heard it over the Stranglers going about their business with renewed vigour. Happy days.

  2. Me Says:

    what’s the number to call again :)

  3. Me Says:

    what’s the number to call again :) can i give my real address

  4. Dave M Says:

    eye watering!!

    sideways i hope :D

  5. lurker Says:

    Read this and thought of you…

    “Fla. man dials 911, complains his sub had no sauce”


  6. JackB Says:

    Gatwick? I did my observation shift in the room recently and it was London city then. I got in at 10 and he had phoned up 15 times already! It was quite an insight I tell you!

  7. AK Says:

    I’ve just had my first shift last night, and this knob did at least 5 calls. He is indeed now back at gatwick, this time saying that his girlfriend has collapsed on the runway.

    I take solace in the fact that one day he will actually need an ambulance, but we will be under instruction to terminate his calls on connection. Natural selection at work? I think so.

    It was amusing the first time I heard it. It was NOT amusing when we are handwriting tickets and he calls 5 times in a row.

  8. Tom Says:

    Any idea what rules mean that you can’t have the police track him down? Any idea who sets or enforces those? I can see a movement for a campaign here…

  9. Dave M Says:

    Part of a Act you may fine interesting

    Telecommunications Act 1984

    s43 Improper use of public telecommunication system
    (1) A person who–

    (a) sends, by means of a public telecommunication system, a message or other matter that is grossly offensive or of an indecent, obscene or menacing character; or

    (b) sends by those means, for the purpose of causing annoyance, inconvenience or needless anxiety to another, a message that he knows to be false or persistently makes use for that purpose of a public telecommunication system, shall be guilty of an offence and liable on summary conviction to a fine not exceeding level 3 on the standard scale.

    By what you said he has broken S43 1.b he could of broken S43 1.a, If depending on what you find grossly offensive or indecent.

  10. Dave M Says:

    NB it is now Section 127 of Communications Act, 2003. that deals with false messages and persistent misuse intended to cause annoyance, inconvenience

  11. AK Says:

    They did. One one occasion they apparently even figured out that he was on a bus, but obviously he hasn’t been arrested yet.

    They have disabled his phone on numerous occasions, but he just keeps buying new sim cards.

    They should make the number harder to dial!

  12. Sewmouse Says:

    I have a friend who used to work the reservations phones for a major airline. They used to have a frequent-caller who they nicknamed the pantie-man. Seemed every time he called, he just wanted the girls to describe their undergarments to him.

    She used to laugh about trying to sell him an airfare while he kept pestering for her lingerie details.

  13. Banana Man Says:

    [...] Source: Banana Man [...]

    Nee Naw
    Nee Naw was a blog about life in the London Ambulance Service control room. It was written by Suzi Brent from 2005 to 2010. The blog is no longer being updated, but the archives will remain here.
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