“25 year old female – Drank a mixture of bleach and aftershave. Caller states he was using it to clean his shirt and patient mistook it for a drink.”

If this wasn’t ridiculous enough, the call was received at 2.30am! Who on earth cleans their shirt with a mixture of bleach and aftershave in the middle of the night? Presumably this was a tall tale designed to cover up a self harm attempt, but really, could they not have come up with something SLIGHTLY more believable? I almost wanted to withhold the ambulance on grounds of Unconvincing Lying!

Published Feb 20, 2009 - 11 Comments and counting

11 Comments on “Ridiculous Diagnosis of the Night”
  1. Martyn Says:

    The thing is at 2:30 am with a tankful of ETOH on board it could just be true

  2. Abi Says:

    Huh? I don’t think it’s that far-fetched. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve gone to take a swig from a glass only to find someone’s kindly replaced my drink with something different. Add to that the fact that the lights may well have been off at 2.30 am and you’ve got an entirely plausible situation.

  3. Mark Myers Says:

    Abi, do you clean your shirts with a mixture of bleach and aftershave? In a drinking glass? In the dark??

  4. L. Says:

    Well, I could see mixing the stuff up in a glass, and I suppose he could be a slob like me, and have left the glass out afterwards. But I can’t imagine she wouldn’t have noticed the smell, and if she were so drunk or tired that she didn’t, how did she find that glass in the dark?

    Not to mention that, no, I have never heard of using aftershave to clean anything.

  5. Mark Myers Says:

    And wouldn’t the bleach damage the shirt? I’ve actually had two people remark that it this could easily happen now, which is starting to make me wonder: am I wrong? Are there hundreds of people who use bleach and aftershave to clean shirts in the dark? Have I been doing it wrong all these years.

  6. Nickopotamus Says:

    I can see bleach and aftershave making sense at 0230 on a drunken morning. And the chances of someone equally drunk taking a swig aren’t that remote. Though I think you’re probably right on your call!

  7. dullahan_999 Says:

    Perhaps he wanted to get those shirts extra whiteb and the only way to be sure is to do them in the dark untill they glow!

    Although I still can’t think of a daft reason to explain why someone would ignore the watering eyes and blistering nasal passage as they raise a glass of bleach and after shave to their mouth, or the fact they lack basic gag relexes to spit the lot out as soon as a drop hits the tongue!

    I’m going with the lame excuse theory.

  8. ci7alex1 Says:

    Let’s consider all odds. Even an attempt of concealing crime evidence. What if the caller had to wipe blood out of his shirt and with mind blurred after the deed thought it’d be a good idea to mix anything washing-related in the first item he had come across – a drinking glass. Although this doesn’t explain why they called ambulance in the first place… with the obvious risk of disclosure.

  9. nightowl Says:

    I have to say I look forward to your updates, working in the OOH Social Services (on the same team as the creator of workerofmiracles.blogspot)It often seems to mirror some of the call types we get. Although have to say I havent come across the bleach/aftershave one !!

    Sadly MOP’s (members of public) dont seem to realise when the phone is answered ‘Social Services Emergency Line’ that we are mostly here to deal with emergencies. Although looking at it from their point I suppose (grudgingly) that it may often seem like an emergency to them.

    Keep up the great reporting and I will keep checking in and chuckling . . .

  10. OneOffDave Says:

    Reminds me of someone I was in hospital once who’d managed to shoot himself in the forearm at contact range with his shotgun ‘while cleaning it’. Much more to that one than meets the eye.

  11. Stonehead Says:

    Actually, aftershave is quite effective at removing permanent marker ink. And if it’s on a white shirt, you follow it with a little bleach to remove the last remnants of the stain.

    I wouldn’t mix the two together, though.

    Nee Naw
    Nee Naw was a blog about life in the London Ambulance Service control room. It was written by Suzi Brent from 2005 to 2010. The blog is no longer being updated, but the archives will remain here.
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