And while I am on the subject of regular callers, an update on some of the others who I have previously mentioned on this blog.

Horace Halfpenny, the exceedingly unpleasant man with protruding bowels who cheated death after setting fire to his new flat while he was in it, has not been seen for some time. He has moved on from the hostel in my sector where he was staying and hopefully is somewhere deep in the South West where my poor crews don’t have to get abused by him.

Ben Higginbotham, the aggressive depressive who likes to ring us to talk about Neighbours and Hollyoaks but turns nasty when the crew arrive, has been ringing a lot lately to ask us to contact his mother for him. One of the paramedics told us that his mother has, in fact, been dead over a year. I felt sorry for him – but my sympathy declined swiftly when he later threatened a paramedic with a scalpel.

Jimmy Smirnoff, the charming young alcoholic, has not been too well after two recent life threatening overdoses. Out of all our regulars, he is the one I think about the most and I really hope he pulls through.

Bananaman, the disabled teenager who put every call taker in the room through months of sheer hell by calling up to 200 times a night offering us bananas and telling us that his penis was itchy was never prosecuted (much to my annoyance) but HAS stopped calling (much to my relief, especially as the “address” he gave is in my new sector). Apparently Social Services have intervened and his social worker brought him to the control room to show him what we do and to make it more “real” to him. While I applaud this approach, I think if I had known he was coming I might have been forced to purchase a large bunch of bananas and chase him round the room with them. Angry Allocators do not forgive and forget easily.

Published Jun 12, 2009 - 4 Comments and counting

4 Comments on “Regulars Update”
  1. Police Despatcher Says:

    When reading your blog, I always try to imagine what would have happened if you were working in the police world. Thankfully, Bananaman would never have been allowed to visit our control room! I'm surprised at this result though – in my part of the world, people have had their right to dial 999 taken away for far less than 200 calls per night.

  2. Suzi Brent Says:

    I think they went easy on him because his disability meant he didn't really understand the consequences of his actions. I have to say, if it were up to me I probably wouldn't have been quite so lenient.

  3. Blippieq Says:

    I have a metal image of an industrail shipment of bananas being delievered to the control room, piled high on every desk. Then the carer bringing the chap in…

    "See, son, they have plenty of bananas. They don't need to be offered more."

    Not sure how that would work with the itchy penis thing though.

  4. XaDvAnT Says:

    Rather than being stoned to death, bananad to death would be appropriate. Might take a bit longer than stones, but that just means you can enjoy his slow agonising death even more!

    Perhaps public "open days" of the control centre would help educate the idiots… put a note in the suggestion box for me!

    Nee Naw
    Nee Naw was a blog about life in the London Ambulance Service control room. It was written by Suzi Brent from 2005 to 2010. The blog is no longer being updated, but the archives will remain here.
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