We had a call last week which read as follows:
“78 year old male. Scrotum has swollen to three times size of a football.”
“Three times the size of a football?” I said incredulously, almost forgetting to send the ambulance out in my horror. “A football is this big… so three footballs… that’s impossible! It would almost reach the floor!”
“Maybe it’s a misprint?” suggested colleague G. “Perhaps he meant ‘scrotum has swollen to three times normal size, is now size of football’”
“More feasible,” I said. “But still rating quite highly in the Enormous Scrotum stakes.”
“What are you lot squealing about?” said Male Management, peering over my shoulder. “OH MY GOD OUCH! Have you told HEMS? Oh my god! Ouch!”
I meant to ask the crew exactly how large the offending scrotum was and the cause of the ailment once they were free, but I got distracted by lots of people getting sick and injured and never got round to it. So it shall remain a mystery.